SOLANGE: THE ROLE OF LOVE

AND ATTACHMENT IN YOUR CHILD’S

DEVELOPMENT

During their early days, when babies transition from the womb to the outside, they are physically incapable of self-regulating.  

They depend on their parents for this; initially through the contact with the parent’s skin, breath and heartbeat; and later by parents serving as a mirror of the child’s emotions and offering resources to notice and manage them.  

When children have caregiving figures that support them to regulate, they can build a healthy root system for self-regulation, become more resilient in the face of stressful experiences, and their development is fostered. 

 

What is attachment? 

 

Attachment is a term used to describe a deep and lasting emotional bond. The first and most important bond that a child will have is normally with their caregivers.   

Children depend on a safe attachment to adults in order to develop psycho-emotionally.  

When children are young and dependent on us, we are the providers of love, nourishment and containment and become their compass. Thus, when your child is close to you (physically and emotionally), they can feel safe. Since a visceral sense of safety is one of the most basic and primal needs, healthy maturation can only happen when the child has a continuous sense of safety and containment.  

 

What does this mean? 

 

To promote a child’s growth, it is crucial to ensure they feel unconditional love. This does not mean neglecting boundaries, rules, or consequences, as these are also important for their development. Rather, it means consistently communicating that our love is unconditional and not dependent on their behaviour. 

Our children will have tantrums and will misbehave, yet it is important that we are there for them emotionally even during those moments. 

If you want to learn more about how your relationship is crucial for your child’s development, I recommend the book “Hold on to Your Kids” (2004) by Maté and Neufeld.